Should You Not Say the “D” Word (Depression) Around Your Parents?
Depression and the elderly go hand-in-hand. Seven million adults over the age of 65 have been diagnosed with depression, and that’s not counting the millions who are still struggling in silence. And yet, we don’t like to talk about it. Many of our elders are from the “we don’t talk about such things” generation. For many men (my dad might have been included in this group, depression may seem like a dirty word–they may feel vulnerable or embarrassed.
How do you talk about elder suicide with your parent?
Consider not bringing up the “d” word. Just ask, “I’ve noticed you’re not eating much lately–everything okay?”
Or just spend some good ole’ time together–go for a long drive (make up an excuse to go get something in another town), or do a simple chore side-by-side (folding towels, refinishing a table, putting together a jigsaw puzzle) and let the conversation come up naturally. Or, you might want to volunteer first–share something that’s been bothering you–with your work, a relationship concern, and seg-way into feelings of loneliness, exhaustion, or sadness to allow them to join with a “me too” instead of being the only one.
Depression can be caused by:
- Changes within the family
- Chronic pain and illness
- Difficulty getting around
- Frustration with memory loss
- Loss of a spouse or close friend
- Trouble adapting to a life change such as moving from a home to a retirement facility
(Source National Institute of Mental Health
Missing the Depression Diagnosis:
(Many times we leapfrog over depression and assume it’s one of the following diseases:)
- Alzheimer’s disease
- Arthritis
- Cancer
- Dementia
- Heart disease
- Parkinson’s disease
- Stroke
- Thyroid disorders
Symptoms of Depression:
- Abnormal thoughts about death/ Plans to commit suicide or actual suicide attempts
- Change in appetite (usually a loss of appetite)/Change in weight
- Irritable mood/Difficulty concentrating
- Fatigue (tiredness or weariness)
- Lack of purpose and loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities
- Trouble sleeping/Daytime sleepiness
- Giving away important items/Wrapping up details
If you suspect your loved one is struggling with depression, make a doctor’s appointment—and call them ahead of time to let them know your concerns. Get your loved one the help they need—there are many therapies including medications, talk therapy, and things you can do at home that help to create an environment of hope. Be proactive—make calls—speak up—and know that it’s better to hurt their feelings than to lose them unnecessarily.
Watch this great video on Elder Depression presented by Good Morning America.
