Caregiver, It’s time to Get Off the Guilt Train
- You feel guilty because you were bit snippy with your spouse this morning.
- You feel guilty because you canceled that doctor recheck visit–for the third time.
- You feel guilty because you forgot to pick up your dad’s prescription and now it’s midnight and he doesn’t have his medication.
- You feel guilty that you just want five minutes to yourself.
Is there any way to get off the guilt train and let go of all the “should have’s” that come with caregiving?
First, be your own best friend and stand up for yourself. Sometimes the caregiver of the family becomes the go-to for all the other family members. After all, you don’t work, you’re already there, you know who to call. Maybe you do, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need to do it for themselves.
Focus on what you are doing, not what you haven’t got to–yet. If you started a list of all the thoughtful, and necessary items you do for your family and/or care buddy every day, how long would that list be? I bet you would have well over a hundred items easy. Be proud of all that you do and all that you give. Be proud of the choice you’ve made to be a caregiver.
Don’t wait for someone else to notice or say thank you. Acknowledge your own self worth.
Get addicted to saying “no!” Nothing is as liberating and saying “no thank you.” Make sure that at least once a day you decline one thing. It may start with a telemarketer but don’t forget to politely choose not to host that family party, not to run an extra errand that will put you an hour behind in your day, or even say no to your care buddy–today’s not a good day, that will need to wait till next week, or you might need to ask someone else to do that–are great lines to begin practicing so that when you need to say it, it rolls off your tongue.
Guilt keeps us from loving life. It keeps us mired in resentment and shame and who needs that? Every time you start to feel a twinge of guilt say a firm, “No!” Don’t worry, people will think you have an ear piece and you’re talking on the phone.
